


Kankri just needs a little lovin'

by BoatsNHoes



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bro is super drunk so, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sort of dubcon?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-11 15:36:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3330965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoatsNHoes/pseuds/BoatsNHoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“E’eryone could use a good hammerin’ in the bodily sense, if ya know what I mean.” He pauses, snickering to himself, “I bet you ‘specially, mister uptight turtleneck mcnubby horns.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kankri just needs a little lovin'

**Author's Note:**

> Basically bro gets drunk, finds kankri, and bangs the everloving shit out of him. That's all you really need to know.  
> ALSO. This was adapted from an rp. As such, none of the dialogue from kankri was written by me. I have no idea who the kankri was, but if you by some chance read this, feel free to come forward and I'll credit you however you want! Enjoy~

You’re sitting in the small private space you’d managed to “remember” for yourself during your time in the bubbles, studying some earth literature. Ironically enough, its right as you come across a passage about something deemed “alcohol,” which seems to be some sort of soporific substance, that you are jolted out of your concentration by slurred speech.

“Yoo nubs number tow.. twi… shit. Two”

You raise an eyebrow as you look over the human in front of you, not rising from your place in the oh-so-comfy armchair you’d remembered from your own hive. “Pardon me?”  
He just stares at you for a moment, or at least you think he stares at you. It’s difficult to tell with those odd, pointed sunglasses covering his oculars. You sigh and try again. “Sir. Are you intoxicated?”

He’s silent for another moment more before he bursts into a fit of laughter, his breath sending a wave of some sickly-sweet, chemical odor your way. You wrinkle your nose.

“Intoxicated,” he says with a snort, “I am sloshed as the titanic. Hammered as the abused asses of 30 pornstars.”

You… aren’t quite sure what most of that terminology actually means, but decide to assume it’s a strong affirmative to your question, your brain helpfully interjecting that the smell rolling off of him must be that of human “alcohol,” and that he must have consumed quite a lot of it for the smell to be so strong at such a distance. “I do not believe that getting… ‘hammered’ is good for your health.”

He seems to find this incredibly amusing, breaking into a fit of childish giggling with his face contorting oddly in what you assume to be an attempted eyebrow waggle.

“Well that all depends on whichs def’nition of the word yer usin, now don’t it?”

You furrow your brow at this. “Pardon me? I… don’t think I understand what you mean.”

“E’eryone could use a good hammerin’ in the bodily sense, if ya know what I mean.” He pauses, snickering to himself, “I bet you ‘specially, mister uptight turtleneck mcnubby horns.”

You flush bright with indignation, spluttering and standing to distance yourself from him slightly. Yes, you very much know what he means. “I have decided to abstain from.. sexual relations, thank you very much!”

He seems to find this amusing as well, giggling once more before raising an eyebrow as he speaks. “Exactly.”

The flush on your cheeks spreads down your neck, and you purse your lips “I do not believe I need to get….. h-.. hammered.”

He scoffs. “Bet that dick of yours ain’t seen the sunlight but for to piss in yearsss. That ain’t good for yer health, man.”  
You wring your hands together, looking away. “I survive, I’m perfectly fine as I am.”

Another laugh, this time softer, “Nah, look atcha! I can practically taste the sexual frustration rollin’ off a’ ya. The idea of a good poundin’ was practically invented for your,” he’s interrupted by a small hiccup, “for your sort.”

You swallow, still not meeting his.. eyes? Sunglasses? And silently open your mouth to speak a few times before actually getting any words out, stuttering slightly. “W-well.. even if I wanted to participate in such activities, it isn’t as if anyone is jumping at the chance to.. ehm,” You pause, not wanting to use the word he had used, but unable to think of an alternative, “Pound me..”

An odd look crosses the visible portion of his face at this, and he seems to think a moment before responding. “Yeah? I mean.. I could totally get behind the whole gray, empty-eyed, horned alien guy thing. You,” he holds up a finger, swaying on his feet slightly, “Ya got a nice bod. Even if ‘s alien. Right proper adorable twink, n’ look at that asssss. So plush.”

You bite your lip, glancing behind you at your rear end and pulling your sweater down a bit to cover it. “… My.. My behind?”

He gives you a genuine grin, nodding slightly and making a small groping motion with both hands. “Plushest rump I ever did see, babe.” 

That blush has come back with a force, and you consider your words carefully before continuing. “I uh… I could say the same for you. Very attractive, even If you’re alien to me..”

Perking up slightly, he looks over his shades at you, revealing eyes as white and empty as your own. “… oh? That sayin yer interested?”

You swallow hard, face feeling incredibly warm as your stammered reply leaves your mouth, “M… Maybe.”

“Well hey. I ain’t against dealin’ out a little stress-relief pounding.” He snickers to himself once again, and you make a face, scoffing and glaring at him half-heartedly as you step closer.

“Don’t laugh.. You sure are arrogant, aren’t you?”

His laughter only seems to get louder at this, and he gasps out between fits of giggling, “Hold on, sorry. Lemme just get it out.” He doubles over, wheezing with laughter with his hands on his knees before calming himself, taking a few deep breaths and straightening up, that flat expression in place once again. “Ok, ok. We good. No more laughin’, I promise.” He then takes a few sudden steps towards you, which startles you into stepping backwards to compensate, until your back hits a wall. “’N I ain’t arrogant. ‘s pure, unadulterated confidence. Strider swag.”

“Say ‘swag’ again and I’m leaving.” You raise an eyebrow. “It’s uh.. It’s Kankri, by the way. What should I call you?”

He leans in closer, startling a gasp out of you as you feel hot breath against your ear. “Dirk, Bro. Whatever suits your fancy.”

“A-alright.. Dirk it is..” 

A low chuckle sounds in your ear, and you trill softly as he presses a palm between your legs, brazenly feeling you up.

“So uh, what kind of alien parts ya got goin’ on, Kankri? Gonna have to say I’d be a little disappointed if we got the same equipment goin’ on.” 

You take a deep breath, fighting the urge to press up into his hand. “I…. I have a bulge and a nook, not sure how else to describe it. Especially considering I don’t know what your… equipment looks like.”

Dirk presses his lips to your jaw, pulling the neck of your sweater out of the way and drawing a shiver from you as he trails kisses down your neck, working with the hand that had been palming at you to undo your pants and slide them down your legs, along with your undergarments. A flush colors your cheeks as he stares at your nook and partially unsheathed bulge.

“Is that.. different than yours?”

He grins, looking like he’d just won the lottery, and nods. “A bit, but nothing we can’t work with.”

He sets to work shucking off his own pants, revealing a blunt, rigid.. thing the same color as his skin. You assume it’s the equivalent of a bulge, what with the placement and the face he makes as he runs a hand over the length of it. This hypothesis is further supported by his next action, stepping in close again and pulling a strangled noise from you as he rests the hand not stroking it on your bulge. It does the normal thing and twines with Dirk’s fingers, seeking that stimulation, and he lets out a soft groan.

“Oh holy shit. It moves. That is too hot…”

He disentangles his hand from your bulge, drawing a soft whine of protest from you before he slides it back and toys with your nook, sliding a finger into you and swearing almost reverently.

“Shit.. that is wet.. Goddamn I wanna get in there..”

A distant part of you is horrified as you let out a loud moan, throwing your head back against the wall and bracing your hands against his body. That little part of you goes into complete hiding as you start to beg.

“It’s so good, oh GOD.. Dirk, m-move your finger, please…”

“Ya like that, do ya? Want me to get my dick in there? God you’re gonna feel so good…”

He’s stroking two fingers in and out of your nook now, pressing his body flush against yours and you feel his… dick? Rubbing against your bulge. A thrill of heat surges through you at his words and you bite back another moan.

“Oh-oh yesss.. keep- keep talking to me like that…”

He presses closer to you, letting out a soft groan that is mirrored with a soft noise of your own as his strange, rigid bulge rubs against yours. He’s fucking his fingers into you in earnest now, panting against your neck. You let out a cry as he hits an incredible spot inside you, and drag your claws down his back, thunking your head back against the wall as he starts to speak.

“God I’m gonna wreck ya babe, gonna make ya scream. Fuck ya until the only words you remember are begging and my name..”

You’re nearly incoherent already, every thrust of his fingers inside shooting stars through you.

“Oh- oh my god- hh- Di-Dirk your fingers- Ah god!” Your bulge twines with his, grinding and twirling around it and he gasps, shuddering and pushing a third finger into you.

“Christ kid. You’re so good. Fucking SHIT I can’t wait to get inside you. Pound you into the wall ‘til you see stars.” 

He pulls his fingers from your nook and you let out a low whine as he also frees his bulge from yours and then a squeak as he hoists you up by your thighs, propping you against the wall and lining his bulge up at the entrance to your nook. You wrap your legs around his waist, gripping his shoulders tightly and panting aloud.

“Please oh please, f-fuck me, Dirk, just give it to me!.”

He gives a low chuckle, seeming amused at your begging, and bites at your neck with his blunt teeth as he pushes into you. You let out a cry, digging your claws into his shoulders and he pulls his face from your neck to catch your lips in a rough kiss, silencing you for a moment before pulling away, his lips still close enough to brush yours as he starts to speak in a husky growl.

“Jesus, you weren’t kidding about abstaining.. God I’m gonna tear you up kid, so tight…”

You’re already a shivering, mewling mess under his touch, gasping and moaning on every breath. “Feels so good, your bulge feels so good inside.. Oh GOD wreck me, pound my tight nook, just.. just do it!” A small part of you is mildly horrified at the things coming from your mouth, but by now that part of you is buried deep under the pleasure you’re receiving.

He starts to fuck you for real now, starting up a punishing pace and gripping your thighs almost painfully tightly and you scream, essentially clawing down his back and rolling your head back against the wall. He moves a hand to wrap around your bulge and suddenly your world turns into blinding heat, not quite there but right on the brink and it’s good, so so good. He’s grunting and sweating as he fucks you, head bowed and watching himself move in and out of you.

“Come on baby, that’s it. Fall apart for me, let it out. God your such a good boy, almost there, aren’t you? Come on babe, come for me, that’s it.”

His words drive you over the edge and you spill, eyes wide and mouth open on a silent cry. He thrusts a few more times, shooting aftershocks through you before he, you assume, comes as well, spilling a small amount of heat right at your core. He sets you down, pulling out and your legs shake as you slide your back down along the wall until you’re sitting, your own material and sticky white dripping from your nook.. “God.. Dirk..”

He laughs. “Goddamn kid. Ten outta ten would bang again.” He slides to the ground next to you and brushes the hair sticking to his forehead out of his face. “Didn’t take ya for a screamer. But that was pretty great, kid. How ya feelin?”

You give a breathless chuckle, still panting heavily and leaning on him for support. “As you said, ten out of ten, would bang again.”


End file.
